It’s July 2021, and we think we’re out of the woods with COVID. After an imprisonment of isolation and the closest form of human contact being a cardboard cut-out of Arnold Schwarzenegger or a poker night with a plush Yoshi, it was time to bounce back and put zoom quizzes to bed once and for all.

So… What’s a better way than getting an old friend to move in?

Let me start by saying, I love cats. I love their attitude, constant Karen resting bitch face, the head nuzzles and of course, all the cookies and cat privileges. But this cat has a genuine issue.

Nine radiators were bought for the house of scurvy men, who above all else, desire warmth.

I wonder if you can make coats out of cat hair. You could make a wig at the very least…I’m sure that sounds daft, but isn’t that how all billion-pound ideas start?

In the beginning there was passive-aggressive peace. The scurvy mess was contained to the realms of the bedroom and over time, the mess became forgotten, a memory. Although the barnyard smell was a faint reminder of its presence, it soon became camouflaged with the passing of time.

Have you ever seen that FRIENDS episode where Ross moves in with Joey and Chandler? If you haven’t, you’re probably someone I’d describe as youthful and sprightly, so please feel free to search on TikTok for the premise.

Something strange is happening in the house of Scurvy. There’s an unknown entity, body in the house that’s not recognised. I scamper downstairs like Hyacinth Bucket, eager to put a face to the voice and welcome the latest voyer to the house. But Burty’s door is shut….

When it comes to Christmas, you’ve got Elves or Humbugs. You either embrace the tradition in whatever form suits you, or you’re sworn against it as if Christmas is trying to lick your face- But each to their own.

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Deciding to get a housemate

It’s July 2021, and we think we’re out of the woods with COVID. After an imprisonment of isolation and the closest form of human contact being a cardboard cut-out of Arnold Schwarzenegger or a poker night with a plush Yoshi, it was time to bounce back and put zoom quizzes to bed once and for all.

So… What’s a better way than getting an old friend to move in?

Some cats are C**ts

Let me start by saying, I love cats. I love their attitude, constant Karen resting bitch face, the head nuzzles and of course, all the cookies and cat privileges. But this cat has a genuine issue.

War of the rads

It began with the renovation of the house. Three were bought for upstairs, the strongest, warmest, and fairest of all purchased. Four were gifted to the ground floor, kitchen and two to the attic. Nine radiators were bought for the house of scurvy men, who above all else, desire warmth.